How can I get out of the vicious cycle of guilt over my boyfriends suicide??

We fought. He pushed my buttons, I pushed his. We both said very mean things to eachother. He was battling depression, ADHD, bipolar, PTSD, drug addiction. His family was completely dysfunctional. He claimed I was the only good thing in his life. He claimed he wanted to only get clean for “us”. I encouraged him to get clean for himself. I only saw him once every month, a long-distance relationship in order for him to get his problems in order & for me to get my debts paid off. We believed it was true love. We fought. He would cry. I would cry. He begged me to just be nice to him. We fought. He would cry & want to be left alone. We would say we were broken up & he would say “thank you”. We got back together. He got back on drugs. He lied. He lied. We fought. He told me that I was driving him crazy. I was going to make him do drugs or commit suicide!! I called him a drug addict. Told him he had nothing to offer. Was he was gay? He called me a slut. Used & abused. COMPLICATED!! HELP!!

I understand that it’s very hard and that you feel some guilt. But here is something very important: remember that you didn’t push him to commit suicide. He did it himself. At the end, we are the only ones responsible for our own actions.

You tried to help him, he pushed your buttons, it’s normal that you reacted and said mean things (both of you!), and you are not responsible for what he chose to do. It was his choice.

Heads up!